


alone

by werealldreaming



Series: companionship [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: -ish??, Alternate Universe - Daemons, Character Study, Daemons, Gen, Keith (Voltron)-centric, Mostly Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-05
Packaged: 2019-05-18 11:24:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14851829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/werealldreaming/pseuds/werealldreaming
Summary: Keith has always been alone, even when he's with others. It's something he has to hide, all the time.





	alone

Keith has never had a daemon. He remembers when he was younger, when he’d wondered why his father had a wolf that constantly followed him around, that he wasn't’ allowed to touch. He’d wondered why everyone else had some sort of animal following their human around. He remembers when his father’s wolf daemon had frightened him. _(Keith wonders if anyone else had ever had nightmares about their parents’ daemons.)_

His father always reassures him that Keith is perfect, even without a daemon. But whenever he brings it up, he also tells Keith to never admit to anyone that he doesn’t have one. Truth be told, Keith doesn’t understand what a daemon is, or why it is so important that he doesn’t have one. He doesn’t understand the importance of it.

 

* * *

 

He sneaks out, once. He’s maybe six years old, and his father had taken him into town the day before. Keith has never figured out why his father decides to leave him behind some days and not others, but he always enjoys it when he gets to go. That trip, he’d seen an arcade, with bright lights and bright colors and something Keith recognizes to be candy. So he sneaks out, when his father’s out fixing the hoverbike. The walk to the town is much longer than he expects, and before he makes it he runs into two boys, a couple years older than him, chasing each other and yelling. Their daemons are running with them, and snapping at each other. Keith watches in fascination as the daemons switch between forms.

“Hey!” one boy calls out to him. “Wanna join us?”

“Sure,” Keith says. He hurries over, fatigue forgotten. He’s never really played with someone his own age before; his father’s never allowed him to hang out in the town.

“Cool! We’re playing tag. No tagging daemons, obviously.”

Keith nods, grinning.

“Hey, where’s your daemon? She should play too,” one of the boys says.

“Oh, uh,” Keith’s not sure what to say. He remembers what his father had said— _don’t let anyone know you don’t have a daemon._ “She’s not, I mean, she’s at home,” he invents wildly.

The boys freeze, stare at him. “You’re a witch?” the second boy says. Keith doesn't know what that means, so he just shrugs. The other boys stare at him for a second, then turn and run.

“Wait! Where are you going?” Keith yelps. The boys don’t respond, don’t even turn around, and Keith frowns, watching them leave. _What had he done wrong?_

His father finds him walking back to the shack, crying. He scoops up Keith and carries him home, and when Keith asks him, _why?_ , he just sighs and holds on tighter.

That evening, he gets a proper explanation of what daemons are. About how they’re a person’s soul, their better half. About severing, and being daemonless. And Keith realizes that he’s a freak, wrong, _inhuman_. When he voices his thought, his father hugs him tight and murmurs meaningless nothings in his ear, and Keith is left without any reassurance.

 

* * *

 

One day, his father disappears. He leaves behind nothing but a knife and a large locket. Inside the locket is a note:

Dear Keith,

This necklace is commonly used for holding insect daemons. Wear it so that people don’t ask questions. I’m sorry I had to leave. I’ll come back, I promise. Make me proud. Be strong.

Love,

Dad

 

Keith waits for two weeks for his father to return. He stays, refusing to believe that his father is gone. In the end, he only leaves in a desperate need for water.

 

* * *

 

The social worker that Keith gets assigned is a round-faced woman with a cat daemon. Her face is kind, and when she asks about Keith’s daemon, Keith just takes out the locket.

“Is she already settled, then?” she asks. Keith nods.

“Oh, you poor dear,” she says. “It's not fair that a kid’s daemon has to settle so early.” Keith nods and wonders why his father couldn't have waited a couple of years to leave. At least then he wouldn't have to dodge awkward questions about his demon settling too early.

“What species?” the social worker asks. “We need to know, for our records.”

“A cockroach,” Keith lies. Cockroaches are hated pests, he knows.

“ Oh, okay then” she says. “I'll take your word for it. I'm really sorry, I don't like bugs very much.”

The other kids in the group home are the same— pity when they find out how early his daemon settled and a polite refusal to look at his daemon. The only one with a curiosity is a girl who Keith doesn't think is afraid of anything, much less bugs. Keith only manages to avoid being found out because the girl is put into a foster home the day after Keith arrives.

 

* * *

 

He makes himself a reputation as a loner, at the Garrison, partially so that nobody can ask about his daemon. (The other part is that Keith ends up pushing them away anyway.) By that point, awkward questions about his demon settling early have died down, with the exception of his superiors, who can see his file.

His roommate spills a drink all over the floor, once. After a collective swearing session, the other boy grabs the paper towel roll and starts attempting to wipe up the spill. Keith looks at him incredulously and goes to get a mop.

When he opens the door to the closet, his first thought is, _what the fuck._ There’s a couple inside, kissing each other. They’re so engrossed in their activities, they don’t even notice Keith in the doorway. Then he notices; their daemons (a snake and what Keith thinks is a badger) are curling around the couple’s feet, and _touching both of them._

Keith makes a faint noise of confusion, and the couple turns. The boy flushes red immediately, and stammers: “Uh, we weren't—”

“Don't act stupid,” says the girl. “Don't tell anyone, kid.”

“But,” says Keith. “But why are your daemons…”

The girl's face changes. “Did nobody explain this to you? Honestly, the health classes here should cover it, but _no_ , we have to appease the masses. As if we don't all learn about it at some point.”

Keith's not sure what she’s talking about. The boy must notice, because he nudges the girl and says, “Claire. Not right now. Either we explain to the kid or we leave.”

“Right,” the girl says, and starts explaining, about daemon touching as an act of love and as an act of violation. The boy butts in to add, _it's not just for sexual encounters, Claire. That's just in the West, honestly, it's also an act of familial love._

So Keith gets the Talk from a pair of seniors in a broom closet. The girl has clearly done it before; the boy is awkward, but they still do it better than the Garrison health classes. So Keith's grateful for them, for their teachings on yet another part of daemon culture. ( _He tries to push down his jealousy of yet another thing he'll never have_ ).

 

* * *

 

Shiro is the first one he ever tells, besides his father. They're studying together when Shiro says, “Why don't you have your daemon study with you? Two minds are better than one, on a test.”

Keith knows what he's talking about— he's seen other kids’ daemons pointing out answers, or whispering in their human's ear during tests. It's technically considered cheating, but since a daemon would never be separated from their human anyway, nobody ever cares.

“She can't see properly,” Keith lies. “She's a cockroach, it's not like she can read my notes.”

“Well, yeah,” Shiro says. “But she's there in class with you; you guys can quiz each other.”

Shiro's crane daemon speaks up: “We've never met your daemon, Keith. Isn't she lonely?”

Keith pauses. He doesn't have an excuse for that, there's no way out of this. He remembers his father's words—   _don't tell anyone_ — and desperately tries to think of something viable to say, something, _anything._

“Hey, it's okay.” He registers Shiro speaking. “You don't have to, it was just an idea. It's your choice.”

“I don't— I don't have one,” Keith blurts.

“One what?”

“A daemon.” As soon as he says the words, Keith wishes he could take them back. Because Shiro’s the best friend he's ever had and now Keith’s going to lose him because he can't fucking keep his mouth shut. He can see Hoshi staring at him, pulling away.

“But— how— what do you mean you don't have a daemon?” Keith shrinks into himself.

“I just don't have one, I’ve never had one.” Shiro just looks at him, clearly uncomprehending.

“Okay. Okay. That makes _no_ sense but okay.” His voice isn't angry or frightened— just baffled. Keith can feel himself getting defensive.

“If you're not okay with it, tell me now so I don't get disappointed later on,” he says tightly.

“What? No! I'm— I mean, I kinda need to process but it's still you, right? Like, I'm pretty sure you're not a soulless zombie, so…” Shiro trails off. “Do you mind if I ask questions or would you rather I didn't?”

Hoshi lets out a faint cry, and as they begin a whispered conversation, Keith can feel his hope slipping away, making way for despair. Of _course_ Shiro's daemon doesn't want to spend time with him, doesn’t want to spend time someone missing a fundamental part of them.

But Shiro turns back to him and says, “Hoshi just told me that if I hurt you I'll never hear the end of it from her. So, do you want to tell me the story or…?”

Keith shrugs. He hasn't told anyone before. Truth be told, he’d never thought about what might happen if he did, other than to know that it would be bad. Shiro’s reaction is completely unprecedented.

“There isn't really much to tell, I've just never had a daemon.” A thought strikes him. “You can't tell anyone,” he says. “They'll take me away or do experiments or lock me up or something, Shiro, you _can’t_.”

“Alright,” Shiro says. “I won’t.” Keith wants to trust that he'll keep his word, wants to trust that this won’t be his downfall. His mind is spinning with the millions of ways this could go wrong. The millions of ways his secret could get out, even by accident.

 

* * *

 

Shiro doesn’t tell. He doesn’t tell anyone, even Matt Holt, his best friend. It’s odd, to be able to trust Shiro like that. Keith has never been able to talk about his lack of a dameon before, has always had to watch is words, make sure he doesn’t slip up. Not having that barrier between him and Shiro is a weight off his chest.

Then Shiro disappears. _Pilot error,_ they say, as if Shiro's ever made a mistake in his life. Well, no, that's unfair. Shiro's human, after all. But between him and Hoshi, considering the stakes of the mission, Keith refuses to believe it was simply _pilot error._ Especially when they don't release the cause of the error.

He gets angry. Punching Iverson is satisfying, but it's not worth it, not when the price is the Garrison. But the price is paid nonetheless, and Keith goes back to his father's shack for the first time in six years.

It's lonely, in the desert. There's no other way to describe it, really. Not for the first time, Keith wishes he had a daemon. It's the first time he's longed for companionship, even in the form of his own soul. _(There’s a presence, an energy, but Keith isn’t foolish enough to think it sentient)._

 

* * *

 

Shiro returns. Somehow, miraculously, he returns. Keith can’t help but have a moment of satisfaction. He’s screaming about aliens, and danger, and the Garrison _doesn’t listen_ , and Keith lets his anger lead the way. He fights his way through the scientists and guards to Shiro’s side ( ~~and Hoshi, but something’s wrong, she’s _changed_ ~~ ). Some other boys barge in as well, and Keith finds himself snapping at them, wanting them to leave.

It’s only by some miracle that they all manage to fit on the hoverbike (thankfully, it was a hand-me-down from his father, with his wolf daemon. If it had been made for someone with a small daemon, they would have been screwed.) They’re wedged in, with their daemons on the wings to balance it out. Keith finds himself grateful that he doesn't have a large daemon.

When Shiro wakes a few hours later, Keith is the one to calm him, to reassure him that he’s not still with the Garrison. _Have to warn them_ , he insists. Keith just shakes his head. When Shiro sees the others, he tenses. They introduce themselves, but it’s only when Keith vouches for them that Shiro relaxes. ( _What had happened to him?_ Keith doesn’t know this new Shiro.)

It’s Lance, not Keith, that brings up the topic of Hoshi.

“I thought you had a crane daemon,” he says to Shiro, gesturing at the lion curled at Shiro’s feet. Lance’s own daemon is sitting in Lance’s lap, half-asleep.

Shiro blinks and frowns. He glances at Hoshi, and says, voice trembling, “I don’t know. I don’t remember what happened. Why is she different? I don’t understand.” He looks on the verge of tears.

“It’s okay,” Keith tells him. “It’s not that big a deal, we should focus on more important things.” Lance sputters at that, but the others hush him. Shiro’s daemon is the least of anyone’s worries, even if the change is something completely unprecedented. Instead, they focus on the Garrison, on the presence Keith had felt before. They focus on Voltron.

As the five of them fly towards the stars, Keith thinks about Hoshi, about the other three daemons in the Lion. And he thinks to himself, _maybe I’ll find someone else without a daemon, out there in the universe_.

**Author's Note:**

> not sure how happy i am with the ending... oh well
> 
> come say hi on [tumblr](http://ternaryflower53.tumblr.com)!


End file.
